Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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