i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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