so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
