the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
