guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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