I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so let's talk penis.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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