Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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