I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Non-Jews are for practice
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
