It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
