So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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