Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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