How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
