he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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