We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
