I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
