shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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