its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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