remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
