If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
