i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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