well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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