I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
