im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
