I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
