when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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