coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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