He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
