I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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