You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
