i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
