I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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