So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
