I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
