conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
