I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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