god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
