So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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