Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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