So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
