its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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