I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
