I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
