Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
