I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
