My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
