Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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