Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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