so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
