I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
