Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
