im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
We are all done wearing pants today
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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