I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
