meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
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