Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
