u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i now understand why vodka
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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